If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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