We need to rekindle our bromance
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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