Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
