youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
