Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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