I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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