pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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