He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
