She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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