all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
