what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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