you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
