Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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