and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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