my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I wear drunk well.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
