I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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