I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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