why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
