you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
A+ Viking dick
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
