they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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