You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
