Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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