I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
