My friends, they love my intelligence
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
