I accidentally had phone sex last night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
