She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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