I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
