I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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