Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
