Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
