Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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