Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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