They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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