So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
