Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
