sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
