i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
