She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize