I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
