I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize