So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
