I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
