I just saw a hot homeless man
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
