woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
only you would photoshop your dick
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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