No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
