where am i from again
im about as happy as oj after his trial
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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