booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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