it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
