I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
