i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
