I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
