I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
