wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
