JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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