new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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