I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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