She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
