Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
