Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
