This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
