Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
