We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
