I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
