bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
this is an emotional support booty call
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