I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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