I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
