took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
