How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
