Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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