You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
