We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
barbara walters just said penis...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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