I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
