I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize