I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
