Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
