When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
